


Orca

by IrukaOrihara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Conservation, Environmentalism, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nature, Swimming, Trauma, animal trainer, cute boyfriends doing cute things, kitties!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-01-21 12:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1551074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrukaOrihara/pseuds/IrukaOrihara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean Kirschtein is a recent college graduate who's only real passion in life is working at his shitty PetPals job as a pet trainer. He's always felt like an outcast, unable to connect with anyone other than the little critters he grew up with. But while visiting a local marine park, Jean meets Orca trainer Marco Bodt and they form a bond unlike anything he has ever experienced before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's complicated

**Author's Note:**

> The point of this fic isn't to incriminate marine parks, but I also don't want to praise them either. Like most people I was obsessed with animals as a child and I used to watched animal planet like, religiously. I went to SeaWorld when I was little and I thought it was such an amazing experience, I absolutely loved it. As I got older I realized places like zoos and some animal parks aren't the most ideal places for animals to live. I watched Blackfish recently and it gave me the idea for this fic. 
> 
> But I don't want this to feel preachy and full of my personal opinions on these issues. So I'll keep it to what i think the characters would say or do in these kinds of situations. I hope this is a fun read and I'll try to have the cute moments outweigh the angsty ones.
> 
> Odd chapters will be in Marco's POV and even chapters will be in Jean's POV.

There's a unique kind of rush when you’re swimming with them. 

It’s easy to lose yourself in these moments, easy to get swept away in that feeling of freedom. It’s like flying through water, a sensation as exhilarating as it is blissfully relaxing.

After taking care of these animals every day, playing with them and teaching them, you develop a bond with each one. You watch them grow and learn all their individual quirks and personalities. They become like friends or family.

Putting trust in a carnivore well over 50 times your own size might seem crazy, but- well- yeah, yeah it is crazy.

But, I think I understand them more than most people, even the other trainers. I understand that if the orcas wanted to they could snap me in half like a twig. They could drag me to the bottom of this tank and keep me there well longer than my lungs have the capacity to hold air. I understand that on a bad day one of my colleagues or I could potentially be killed. 

I've seen it happen.

It haunts my nightmares.

I watch as my friend struggles to get away from those teeth, as he takes his last breath before being pulled under. 

Sometimes in these ‘dreams’ the victim is one of my living coworkers and all I can do is stand there helplessly as those I care about are mauled. And the next day I have to go into work and watch as they play with the giant beasts I saw tear them apart the previous night. 

It gives me chills. It makes me anxious. And it breaks my heart. Because I love them. I love my friends, and I love the killer whales.

But that's not to say these orca's are bad. No. Far from it. I’ve spent the last 5 years getting to know them all. I can tell when they are happy or excited, and I can tell when they're stressed or upset. I'm always on the lookout for signs of frustration, or any indication that they might be in a rotten mood because that’s when they’re most likely to act out aggressively. 

But who can blame them. I sure don't. No matter what happened I hold no ill feelings toward any of them. Killer whales aren't meant to be in these tanks.

I've wanted to do this my whole life. Swimming with orca's was my dream job. When I started working here at Galaxsea Park I had no idea it was going to be like this. They’re one of the biggest marine zoo franchises in the world. I was expecting vast bodies of water within enclosures that simulate each animal's natural environment. Not these barren tanks.

I was too blinded by the magic to see it at first. The thrill overshadowed any flaws. But soon it became obvious that these animals were not in a good environment, and I feel a personal obligation to change that. The problem is, I’m not exactly sure how to do that yet…

As much as I may want to quit some days, I'm too invested now. I feel like I owe it to the animals and humanity to find a way to change things, and maybe I can do that better from the inside.

The first few years I worked here I would only make little comments, suggestions really. Like expanding on the tanks, different enrichment activities and even possible ways to help fund these things if money was the issue. But I’d always either be ignored or the higher ups would say they'd look into it, but I'm not stupid. I know they just said what they thought I wanted to hear to shut me up.

I hate my job. 

But I love my job.

It's, complicated. One day putting up with these asshats will all be worth it. But until then I'll have to behave, suck it up, and shut my mouth until I'm ready to strike.

"Bodt! Showtime! Ten minutes! Get to the back!" One of my superiors yells at me from the gate leading to the employee area.

"Sorry, I'm needed in the back." I smile apologetically at the eager blonde boy before me. "If you'd like I can answer more of your questions after the show. We always try to take some time out before and after shows to talk with the guests." I walk backwards in the direction of my boss, giving the boy and the small crowd around me a friendly wave. His friends start pulling him towards the seats so I don't feel too bad leaving before I’m able to answer another one of his many questions. 

"That would be great! Thank you, I'll see you after the show." Behind him another boy with a pair of pissed off emerald eyes glares me down, but he’s quickly pulled along by the pretty Asian girl with them. I notice another boy slowly following the three up the stairs. His eyes watch me just as intensely as the other's did only more inquisitive, less angry. He’s pretty cute too. Hopefully the blonde, I think he said his name was Armin, will bring his friend along with him after the show. 

I smile at the families one last time. I know they appreciate it when the trainers speak with them, especially the kids. "Sit in the front if you want to get wet!" They say bye and wish me good luck as I disappear into the back. 

I'm immediately stopped when a strong hand grabs my arm, yanking me back. I narrow my eyes down at my boss. He's a cold, heartless, jerk. We've been at odds with each other for a couple years now. 

"What were you telling them, Bodt?" Dark accusing eyes lean right into my face. Seymour Ackerman, God I hate this man...

We had a good relationship at first, until I stopped turning a blind eye to all the shit going on in this place. He's the one I had normally voiced my complaints to, and when three years passed and no changes were made you can bet your ass my complaints became much stronger. 

He keeps an annoyingly close watch on me now, and I can’t do much on such a short leash. Luckily for me, he needs me. So if he reins me in too closely all I have to do is bite back until he gives me room again. 

Dealing with Seymour is like playing Russian roulette, you can get away with backsass most of the time but once in a while he’ll come around to nip you right in the rump, hard.

This man is a problem. But sadly he’s only one of the many problems throughout the company. 

I straighten my back, standing tall and confident. I look down at him, right in the eyes before I respond to show that he does not intimidate me. "I was answering their questions. Like the trainers are supposed to do when we're on guest duty."

"If I hear you're feeding them lies again I'll take those public speaking privileges you love so much away again."

Fucking, asshat, fucking, slimy piece of shit! Aauugh! Ok, let’s calm down Marco. You're more likely to catch flies with honey than vinegar.

"You’re free to ask them if you'd like to, sir. But as you've already said, I have a show to preform in. So, if you'll excuse me.” The man grunts angrily, taking his face away from mine.

"Don't fuck it up. Or else." With a final putrid breath of rotting fish, I swear his mouth smells worse than the killer whales’ do, he roughly pulls away. 

I watch as he storms over to the upper observation deck stairs. It leads to a room that’s mainly use for overseeing the shows; it runs the lights, sound, and has some seating for VIP guests. Only higher up corporate people or celebrities ever go up there. 

I flip an elegant bird to his retreating back and hurry over to my coworkers. 

I see some of the trainers preparing for the show, organizing the animals and the recruits. Ilse carries buckets of fish with her bunch of newbies to stock up the front. While Ymir gives hers another rundown of the routine, nodding to me as they pass by. They look terrified, Ymir’s group always does.

Bertholdt is the first one I speak with while walking the perimeter of the giant pool. His current underlings watch his every move. I can tell the attention doesn’t sit well with him but it can’t be helped. "How are Sina and the baby doing? Do you think he'll be alright to swim in the show?" 

Bert nods and wipes a damp hand across his forehead. "They're good. He's been following his mother closely whenever she does a move." He smiles at them, a proud gleam in his eyes. "You missed it. Reiner asked Sina to spit water at Annie before she changed into her wetsuit. Sina drenched her and then Mitras helped." Bert turns his head away bashfully, holding in his quiet laughter. "It was really cute."

Stepping over the low wall I come up to the big female orca, Sina, and her four year old baby Mitras. The water calmly laps at my ankles, a soothing and gentle sound. I stop before the big drop off to crouch down in front of the two black and white faces. 

“Where you a little stinker today Mitras?! Huh? Is Reiner being a bad influence on you?" I rub along their noses and heads, nodding my own and getting mirrored nods in response. "Would you like to try squirting the audience with mama today?" He opens his mouth and whines highly, flicking his little tongue. I tickle the tip of it, earning a higher pitched wail as his body wiggles and tilts to the side in the most adorable way. "Aww, that's a good boy!"

"I think Annie is already planning her revenge." Bert stands and stretches out the muscles in his arms. I give Mitras another tickle and Sina some loving head pats along with a kiss on the nose.

"I'm surprised she hasn't done it already. We'll have to watch out for him, make sure she doesn't shiv him in the locker room." We chuckle, stepping back out of the water. Music suddenly echoes over the auditorium speakers signaling the start of the show. "Good luck Bertholdt! See you in a little bit!" We exchange waves and I continue my way around the pool, scanning the animals and trainers as they get into their positions. 

I give Sina and her baby one last look over the shoulder and smile when I see her spit water out at poor Bert. Her baby tries his best to reach the tall man with his tiny stream of water too.

As much as I don't want to pick favorites, I've worked with Sina more than any of the other orcas, so she definitely has a very special place in my heart. And, much to my delight, she listens to me more than any of the other trainers. I can proudly say i'm the only person currently working in the park who has ever done mid air flips with our biggest female orca. 

And our huge male, Titan.

My eyes land on his big pool, I see his curled over dorsal fin bob up and back down beneath the water. He has a good three to four tons on Sina, and it intimidates all of the employees. 

Bertholdt is a nervous wreck as it is, especially in front of a crowd, so it's understandable that he prefers not to get in the water with Titan if it can be helped. Even big confident Reiner has moments where he feels uneasy around the huge mammal. And for good reasons. The huge orca is prone to mood swings but I can normally tell when he's starting to get grumpy. When that happens he’s often left to himself.

The trainers used to interact with Titan a lot more... until the 'accident'.

“Show’s about to start! You better get out there Marco!” Reiner hops over Titan’s low wall and come up next to me. He places a reassuring hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “This is a big one.”

“Yeah, I haven’t been this nervous for a show in years.” A forced smile falls across my lips. “How is he?” My gaze drifts back to the curled fin going for another lap around his tank.

"It looks like he’s happy today. We’ve been playing with balls and barrels for over an hour now and he’s been playful all morning.”

“Good. He’s done really well in rehearsal the past few days too.” I swallow thickly, staring at that fin. It’s Titan’s first show in months where he does more than just splash the crowd at the end. Anything could happen. It could go great, or it could go horribly horribly wrong. 

He’s been in this park for a couple decades now and was one of the main orcas to perform in the show many years before I started working here. But most of the older staff have either quit or were fired for one reason or another. This place really depends on their few remaining experienced trainers to take care of these guys. It’s also why Reiner, Bertholdt and I are considered senior trainers when we’re only in our mid twenties.

People used to swim with him on a regular basis, along with Erd and Petra. But after the latter two quit a year ago Thomas was brought in from the dolphin team to help work with the orcas. He was my roommate and a good friend… I can still hear his panicked gasps as he pleads for me to help him… I can still see his arms flail out to me grasping for anything that’ll pull him out, anything that’ll save his life...

“Marco.” Another light squeeze on the shoulder snaps me out of my daze. “Are you sure you’re alright with this? We can always tell that old bastard that Titan isn’t ready to perform with trainers yet.”

I flash him a bright smile. “No way! We’re ready! Besides, I think Titan needs this. The lack of interaction isn’t good for him.” 

“Alright, but if you change your mind speak up. I trust your instincts.” 

“I will, don’t worry.” The music is building up, I have to hurry over to Rose right now or I’ll be late. She and I are starting today. I hop off towards the left gate, trading thumbs up with Reiner. “If I don’t get moving now I’ll miss my cue! Good luck Reiner! See you in a few minutes!”

“Yup, good luck buddy!”

I spot Rose already by the performance pool entrance. “Hey pretty girl!” She bobs up and down, sticking her tongue out when she sees me and squeals with delight. 

I rub the three black freckles on the side of her big white mouth, it’s one of her favorite places to be pet. The dots are also a quick indicator that it’s her. Not that I need much help telling them apart at this point in my career. 

“Are you ready to show off?!” She nods her head repeatedly, squeals some more, and wiggling her tongue against my cheek when I hug her head. “Haha Alright! Let’s show them our moves!” 

I motion for Ilse to open the underwater gate. Off to the side Ymir and Annie are already directing the orcas Klorva and Utgard, informing them of the moves they would like preformed now. I wait until those two are sent out into the performance tank, then I give Rose a hand signal right before diving in.

Ok, here we go.

It’s show time.


	2. Familiar Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean Kirschtein is a recent college graduate who's only real passion in life is working at his shitty PetPals job as a pet trainer. He's always felt like an outcast, unable to connect with anyone other than the little critters he grew up with. But while visiting a local marine park, Jean meets Orca trainer Marco Bodt and they form a bond unlike anything he has ever experienced before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is soooooo much longer than I intended it to be. I wish I had gotten it out sooner but you probably know how it goes, some days writing comes easy and others it's like nothing.
> 
> Anyway, I kind of want to get some of the back story stuff out there first so this chapter is focused on Jean's and the next will focus a little on Marco's. A few fun things will be saved for later chapters. I pretty much know what I want to happen throughout this story, It's just down to writing it now. I'll be adding things to the tags as they happen. There will be some sad content in this chapter towards the end, I hope it doesn't upset anyone. A lot of this stuff is pretty personal to write about, I think Jean is great character to write for, he has many layers. Like an onion.
> 
> I really hope any anyone who gives this story a chance enjoys it. :)
> 
> Odd chapters will be in Marco's POV and even chapters will be in Jean's POV.

Orca – Chapter 2 Jean Marco Fic by Iruka Orihara

 

"Hurry up asshole." I throw my best death glare at Eren fucking Jaeger. He's been ranting at this poor lady for a good five minutes now, all because she asked for a donation toward conserving marine wildlife through the park. "If I miss the show I swear to God I’m socking you right in the mouth."

"Can you believe that?! The nerve these people have! I'll donate but it won’t be through greedy corporate scumbags like this place! I doubt even half that money makes it to-"

"Will you shut up! If you're going to bitch every time we go someplace fun you should just stay home!"

"You're just as bad as they are! You're one of the sheep, flocking with the rest of the brainwashed consumers. You're so easily fooled by the superficial norms society forces down our throats."

"If you call me a barn yard animal one more time, I swear, so help me I’ll-"

"You know what your problem is!? You don't even take the time to think about any of this! You're exposed to all this bullshit, I know you see it, and yet you make no effort to better yourself or society. You don't even care, and that's worse than being ignorant! You're so wrapped up in your own comfortable life, with all your privileges and-" 

"This is why no one fucking likes you! You always have some, crazy, conspiracy theory or some over the top bullshit about, society this, and corruption that! Well news flash! Not everyone is out to fuck us Jaeger! Not everyone is some horrible greedy monster waiting to suck the life and money out of some unsuspecting family!"

"No, not everyone. Just crooked selfish people like you! I paid an arm and a leg to get into this cruel money grubbing prison just-"

"Then fucking leave! No one’s forcing you to come with us asshole!"

Armin halts dead in his tracks, right in my path. I have to side step to avoid colliding with him. "Stop it. Both of you. This is an educational experience and your bickering is ruining it for me. Can't you two enjoy one day out together."

I nod and try to rid my expression of the pissy snarl that I know currently resides on my face. "Tell that to Eren, not me! He's the one who always bitches and ruins all our trips!"

"Hey! I-" Eren's about to retaliate when Mikasa places her hand on his arm, tugging it gently. He grunts but quiets down. The Asian beauty turns her gaze on me next, but the soft look is replaced with a harsh one.

"Stop arguing with Eren."

"If he'll stop acting like a fucking idiot, I’ll stop reminding him, to stop being a fucking idiot! We should have left without him."

"Maybe we should have left without you, Jean." 

The snarl creeps it way onto my face again. Mikasa always picks Eren's side. I don't know why she's so obsessed with the kid, her undying devotion is kind of creepy. But there's no arguing with her so I take a deep breath and walk away.

"Whatever, the show's starting and I want good seats." 

Armin smiles, probably glad that the fighting is starting to subside. He's not too thrilled with the idea of zoos and animal parks like this, he and Eren had a loooong annoying ass talk about it last night when we were planning the trip. They discussed the pros and cons of keeping animals caged up but I stopped paying attention when Eren began spewing his typical 'The rich corporate man is out to get us innocent lower class!' bullshit.

Seriously, this kid can turn anything into some great political debate where his bias, anger fuelled, bleeding heart screams out to defend the oppressed. But mostly he just screeches nonsense out his ass and tries overly hard to find evil where it doesn't exist. 

Why the fuck am I friends with him? Actually, the only person I get along with well enough is Armin and even he barely qualifies as a friend. It's not like I we don't talk or hang out. There just, isn't really a connection there. Not the way the three of them click together... Whatever. It's fine. I don't want to be a part of that weird love triangle they have going on anyway.

"I'm not going to the show! I’m not supporting that shit! They force those poor imprisoned animals to do tricks for our amusement. They probably beat these animals. I read stories where they shock them when they don't listen to their trainers. They're like slave owners. These people are all monsters, feeding us lies and-"

"For fucks sake Eren! You already paid 80 bucks! Put a cork in it and watch the damn whale show!!" I've had enough of his wailing! My ears can't take it anymore! I quicken my pace, following the signs until I reach the big arena.

I scan the plaques that line the entrance walls. Some basic killer whale facts and images are printed across them. They even have short bios of the ones living in the park, and a board littered with photographs of them with the trainers as well. What an interesting job. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to work here, and how different it is from train the dogs, cats and birds I normally work with. As much as I love the little furry guys, training whales would be amazing. I can feel the excitement start to rise up. I've never been to a place like this or even seen a marine animal bigger than a seal in person before. 

My eyes then shift over to the clear thick wall of the tank where they linger on the soft waves towards the top and up to the impressive stage. Stepping closer I carefully place my hands against the cool glass and lean in close for a better look into the blue abyss inside. 

A disappointed huff of air flows from m my lungs when I don't see anything in the tank. I back up and stand on my tip toes, craning my neck in an attempt to see behind the stage and into the back. I can make out a few black fins off in the distance but it’s hard to see from this angle.

Armin stands next to me and does the same thing, but I know he can see even less than I can with his shorter stature. "Can you see them?" He sounds as excited as I feel.

"Not really, but I think I saw a fin pass by the corner over there."

"I guess they don't want them out before the show." 

"Probably." I watch him sigh, visibly deflating, then focus on looking into the back again. Maybe if I stare long enough one will jump up or walk on out of the water just so I can see it.... It could happen...

Suddenly I hear him make a gleeful noise and make off towards a small crowd around at the front of the auditorium. "Jean! It's a trainer!"

My head quickly snaps to the group of people he's beelining towards, where I can indeed see a man wearing a black and white designed wet suit, chatting away in the middle of them. Armin eagerly side steps the children and their parents so he can be closer to the man. He proceeds to pull out a little notebook and bombard the man with as many whale questions he his brilliant little mind can think up. Which I can only assume is a lot.

But I’d be a fucking liar if I said I wasn't eager to learn more about his job, and the animals too. So, I try my best to look all cool like as I stride over to them, perking up when I hear his soothing voice talk about the animals. He has a handsome face, spattered with freckles and a charming smile. He looks... familiar. Hmm but from where? 

I become lost in my own thoughts, staring at him, trying to remember where I know this guy from. But I can't know him, can I? I think I would remember if I met a guy like this. I tune out everyone else and just focus on his face and the smooth gentle tone of his voice.

“This is disgusting. Look at those people, crowding around that horrible slave driver like he’s someone to be celebrated.” Eren appears behind me and my mood instantly sours again.

“Oh yes. That adorable dimply smile is truly the mark of a mad man. You know they’re evil when they have freckles and make people happy. How dare those children be happy. It’s a crime.” We glare at each other.

“You’re an ignorant asshole Jean.”

“I’m not the one seething at children jackass.” He deliberately knocks his shoulder against mine, making his way over to Armin with Mikasa at his side.

"Bodt! Showtime! Ten minutes! Get to the back!" A raspy voice calls from some place off in the distance which unfortunately causes the freckled trainer, Bodt apparently, to back away from the crowd. Well shit. I was enjoying that view. 

I walk up to my ‘friends’, eyes still trained on the- well, trainer. 

"Sorry, I'm needed in the back." He calls to the crowd. “If you'd like I can answer more of your questions after the show. We always try to take some time out before and after shows to talk with the guests." Ouuh, so he’ll be back later! Thank you Armin and your over abundance of questions you nerd.

Eren grabs Armin’s sleeve and tugs him towards the stairs. "That would be great! Thank you, I'll see you after the show." And so will I!

But as I watch him stride backwards along the glass of the tank I can’t help feeling that sense of déjà vu again. Our eyes lock for a moment as I follow the other man’s up the stairs. I know him from somewhere! But where? Where!? Damn it. This is going to bother me until I figure it out... hmm. 

"Sit in the front if you want to get wet!" Oh, I want to get wet alright- by- you, uh… It’s a good thing I didn’t say that out loud. It didn’t sound half as smooth as I wanted it to. I’ll need to step my game up. I’d hate to embarrass myself when I see him after the show. I need to get my mojo flowing so I can impress him with how cool I am.

My scowl deepens when he disappears into the employee area. That smile was the brightest part of my day and now it’s gone. 

I wonder what he’s doing in the show. Maybe I’ll be able to spot him if were close enough.

With my attention elsewhere I, yet again, didn’t notice Armin stop in front of me until I bump into his back and stumble on the steps. He needs to stop doing that… Hopefully that mojo starts kicking in soon because tripping up stairs is definitely not cool.

Mikasa is quick to reach out, steadying us both easily with her freakishly strong arms. “Careful.”

I shrug it off, trying to hide my embarrassment. Armin laughs with a little thank you and says “I want to sit in the front. We’ll be able to see the show better.”

Somehow the anger lines around Eren’s eye brows and mouth deepen. What a foul looking bastard. Says the guy who’s well known for his perpetual scowl. “Do what you want. But I’m going to the back with Mikasa.”

“I’m sitting in the front too. I wanna get a good view of the trainers.” I trek back down to the benches at the bottom, not even bothering to wait for a response. 

Armin joins me a moment later and pulls out his little note pad again. He reads it over and adds a few more words. “Can you believe he gets to train these animals for a living? He’s so interesting.”

“Hey, I’m an animal trainer and you’ve never called me interesting.” 

“You train dogs to sit and shake. That’s not exactly the same. I mean, he gets to work with killer whales every day. Killer whales! Jean.”

I cross my arms and let out a huff, and I make sure it’s audible so he knows how unamused I am. “It’s not just dogs, and I teach them more than sit and shake.”

Armin shakes his head. “Sorry Jean. You know what I meant. I wasn’t trying to offend you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I look over my shoulder up at Eren and Mikasa. I can’t hear what they’re saying from here but I can only assume Eren is still ranting on about some bullshit. Mikasa listens to him intently, leaning in close with a soft smile. Are they dating or what? Not that I care. I’m not jealous of how close they are or anything. It’s weird. It’s gross. And I’m so glad I’m not sitting with them.

In an attempt to calm my growing anger I turn back around to watch the waves, rocking softly within the giant half circle pool. Studying the area for a moment I notice what looks like two stages, one on either side of that pool. The farthest one back is very large and has a huge wall that blocks off most of the back employee area. I now notice that the gaps in the wall are where the underwater gates are. I can see a little more through the spaces from this position. A few people in wetsuits scamper about and a couple black blurs roam around the end of the pools at the back. The second much smaller stage at the front protrudes close to the stands, and since we’re sitting pretty much right in front of it I’m hoping it gets a lot of use.

I can hear faint squeals and clicks over the sounds of the growing crowd. But soon a symphony rises from loud speakers, projecting an inspirationally cheesy medley of flutes and violins. Four giant screens floating over the large stage move close together to form a bigger picture. On it a video plays showing all kinds of sea life ranging from crabs and gulls to fish and whales. Kids run along the beach while the narrator talks about some hella corny shit like believing in your dreams and taking in the wonders of nature. Shit normally used as some theme for a Disney princess movie.

But then the music picks up just as I’m about to grumble about how lame the opening is, and the real show begins. Two killer whales shoot out of the water from opposite sides of the tank with a belly flop just as a third pops straight up from the middle, a man balancing on its nose with his arms out. As they fall back in, disappearing from sight, another whale darts out around the perimeter. Its fin aggressively rakes the surface with rough white waves. 

When the trainer resurfaces to the left he’s pushed along by the whale, water rushing up along his sides as they make their way to the center of the front stage. He steps off, immediately turning to wave at the cheering crowd and quickly crouches down to shower the animal with affection. 

I realize that man is, in fact, the same cute trainer who had been out before the show and my breath catches. He really is incredible, and oh god is he hot. Incredibly hot. Don’t get a boner right now Jean. Don’t do it. This is not the time nor the place for that. My feeling of déjà vu is harder than ever- I mean stronger. It’s stronger than ever… I do not have a hard on right now. Not even a little. Nope.

The man hurries to a big bin, reaching inside to lift out a bucket and places it off to the side. He then pulls out a handful of fish and drops it in the whales open jaws. 

I'm more than happy with the view his skin tight wetsuit is allowing of his backside when he bends forward to sweep his hand back and forth in the air, which gets the big animal in front of him to turn and flap a black flipper to the crowd in a wave. I watch closely as he plays with the whale, rubbing its face, getting it to squeak and twirl about. He motions for it to shimmy up on stage and I can practically see the sparkles glistening off his perfect smile whenever he looks at the animal. Like he's genuinely having so much fun, and every time I see him laugh my chest tightens up. I can't pull my eyes away from him.

He does a silly dance, shifting his hips and shaking his hands from side to side in a swiping motion, bobbing his head to the beat of the music. The orca arches it's back, tail up high to bounce along with Freckles’ dancing, shaking its head along in time with its trainer's hands. The big screen in the back displays the whole thing so those in the back can see as well. Just as the two spin around I hear giggling and look the couple rows below me where some children are also bouncing along to the music. Those kids are eating this act up, and if I actually liked kids it would probably be kind of cute. 

I look back up in time to see the whale sliding back into the water, and come up to the edge again. The cute trainer offer the whale a fish, it shakes its head, so the trainer offers a second fish, but the whale shakes it head again and sticks its tongue out, a farty sound vibrating from the animal’s throat. With hands planted firmly on his hips the trainer also sticks his tongue out back at the killer whale, with one hand grasping the tails of the fish he shakes them again towards the whale, which only gets him a gulp full of water spit up into his face. A light laugh bubbles up my throat at the unamused look on the man's face while the whale whistles in a mocking tone. With a sigh Freckles holds up the bucket and finally the whale eagerly nods, wailing its approval loudly. 

Once the fish have made their way down the large animals gullet the bucket is placed back in the bin at the side of the stage. The trainer pets the killer whale, slides back into the water and lets it push him over to the center of the main stage. There he is joined by three more trainers, a huge blonde man, an even taller dark haired man and a little blonde woman. Much to my disappointment Freckles disappears through the back walls of the stage. 

I guess the next part of the show is pretty cool. The three have the orca's doing all sorts of moves, flips and complicated maneuvers together. The big burly trainer gives some speech, reiterating the corny Disneyesque narrative at the beginning about following your dreams, protecting the planet and other such cheese. But when the music slows into some sort of emotional solo scene I find trying to spot a certain black haired beauty to be more interesting than watching the little blonde chick float about the pool with one of the whales. 

And speak of the handsome devil, or in his case angel, he's walking along the outer glass watching his coworker's performance intently. The glass's reflection, and the light from the water's surface above him wash over his face, and I get that feeling again. Like I've seen this man before. My stomach twists and flutters. And all I can think is ‘I know him! I know him from somewhere!’ I search my memory, it’s almost there but I can't quite find what I'm looking for.

"If you stare any longer it's going to start being really creepy." I jump, snapping my gaze to Armin. I can feel my face heating up against my will. Embarrassed that I've been caught staring so hard. "You think he's hot don't you?" The scrawny He-Man's actually grinning at me, and it's the smuggest grin I have ever seen on the little toe head's face.

"Shut up Armin." I grumble and force myself to look at the performance in the center, but I can feel my eyes wandering back to Freckles. Armin pokes his head back into view.

"You're doing it again."

"I am not." I look even farther in the opposite direction, as if it'll help prove my point. I hear him laugh lightly but give no further response.

Suddenly all the staff and whales disappear. A loud thundering beat picks up over the stadium. Then about 20 wetsuit clad trainers march onto the stage and outer perimeter of the tank. I immediately find the man I've been creepilyeyefucking - admiring- observing the whole show, not that I was looking for him specifically, as he briskly walks out the side and up towards the audience. 

He comes closer, smiling at families and pausing to chat with a few kids. -Where do I know him from!? It's driving me crazy!- He circles around, making his way down the center stairs, he's just feet away now. My head turns to follow him, -where have I seen that smile before!?- our eyes lock, that adorable smile gets even bigger, and he winks at me!

As soon as I feel heat on my cheeks I quickly look away, right into another one of Armin's smug faces! It looks so weird on him! I hate it! He's lucky he's not Jaeger, or I'd knock that look right off his face! "Will you stop looking at me like that!" 

"Okay, okay!" He holds his hands up in surrender, stifling back another laugh. "It's just that-, I haven’t seen you like this since your obsession with Mikasa back in high school."

"He looks familiar okay!” I snap at him. “And I’m trying to figure out where I know him from, that's all. So drop it!" I cross my arms over my chest and direct myself away to scan the crowd. The man’s gone now. I turn away for two seconds and he disappears on me.

“Whatever you say Jean.” The fucker actually laughs again. That’s it! Armin’s going on my shit list now.

The beat focuses into a single steady rhythm, drums pounding as all the trainers start doing the same hand motions all while chanting “Titan! Titan! Smash! Smash!” The audience soon joins in mimicking the hand signs, bringing the base of their thumbs up to their mouth, one then the other into an x “Titan! Titan!” before circling their hands to opposite side in the air, bringing them back around into the shape of a whale tail (or more commonly a bird with its wings spread) and swinging it up and down twice “Smash! Smash!”. 

I look to the water, catching a glimpse of the huge black figure as it zooms into the pool. It swims down and pops up out of the water, spiting water towards the crowd. And holy shit is he huge! Wow. It’s curved fin cuts through the surface on its way to the big back stage. A trainer meets him in the middle of the platform and I can see from the close up view on the TV screens that it’s Freckles. He’s brave, getting that close to such a monster. 

With a confident smile he walks to the edge, leans down to rub the giant’s face and place something, probably fish, in its mouth. He holds both hands out to the right, swaying happily with the motion. The whale complies, coming right over to the side of the tank, jumping out of the water and soaking the front rows with a mighty splash. He does this repeatedly all along the perimeter and goes back to the center when he’s done. 

The cool liquid mists over my body. I run a hand over my damp shirt and push slick strands of hair out of my eyes.

Everyone in the auditorium is cheering, families laugh as the trainers smile and bop around to the beat of the music. I can’t resist the smile on my lips when I see Freckles’ give the big Orca another hand gesture to the side, he and all the other workers look like they’re having so much fun. I’d love to work at a place like this. I’d get a hell of a lot more respect from everyone if I told them I trained freaking whales instead of domestic pets.

The gigantic whale brings his tail high up out of the water, towards the seats on the left, and when he slams it down a huge wave shoots up so high the end dusts the benches at the top. Everyone on the lower levels look like they just tumbled out if an angry washing machine. 

The giant readies his tail again, this time positioned right in the middle. Oh no… He’s aiming this way. “Ah shit. He’s going to drench us next isn’t he?” It’s going to suck ass walking around in wet skinny jeans. I have time to take one more quick breath before a wall of water comes surging at me. “Fuck!”

A split second later I open my eyes and look down to see the cool water streaming off my body. This is not a sexy look. I bet my cat looks cuter after a bath with her long hair all awkwardly clung to her body than I do right now. Whyyyy did I sit in the front.

The rest of the show goes well. The same few trainers alternate between doing moves with the animals and having them do behaviors on their own. I pull my phone out to check the time, after more than a decade of being on competitive swim teams having a water proof phone became a must, it comes in handy at times like these. It’s almost 4:30 which means the show should be ending soon. But the man of my dreams comes back out on stage, with a cocky looking woman at his heels who also has dark speckles across her face. They meet a pair of Ocras who look to be a mother and her calf judging by their size and close proximity.

The woman ducks down to splash at and play with the little one while Freckles leads the other off to the side. The black haired man dives forward with the whale right behind him, pushing him along. Excitement plays at my nerves. All my attention is on him. Once they circle around the two go under and when they resurface the large animal spirals straight up with the handsome man clinging to her while she spins, his arms hugging her large head.

They drop out of sight again and the next time I see him the animal rockets out of the middle of the pool seemingly flinging him and he’s sailing up through the air his arms spread like he’s God damn Superman! Traveling way higher and a hell of a lot farther than any of the other trainers did when they preformed stunts like this. His hands overlap into a graceful dive back down into the depths, just feet from hitting the edge of the tank. To call it impressive would be a fucking understatement! 

They quickly fly up into the air together and again the orca’s body and head tilt in a way that catapults Freckles, but the man’s body flows easily into a double twisting flip and falls beautifully back into the water again. I realize my mouth was hanging open and snapped it closed so hard I’m sure Armin could hear my teeth clatter together. 

I notice the really tall trainer has been watching him closely from behind the glass with a worried expression and a hand over his heart. Hm, come to think of it they all keep a pretty close watch over whoever is performing with the animals. Maybe they aren’t as relaxed with the whales as I thought they were?

Well, it can’t be too dangerous. I don’t think they would be I the water with them if it wasn’t decently safe. And as they perform more acrobatics together I can tell Freckles is enjoying this. The big mama swims both of them over to the front stage now, so they can give a final wave to the crowd and bow together. After the whale is given a large amount of fish she slides back into the tank where she meets up with her baby again and together they swim around the tank.

A courteous voice plays over the arena; promptly thank everyone for coming to see Galaxsea Park’s orca show, and asking that they please exit the auditorium in an orderly fashion, then reminding the guests that the park will be closing in half an hour. 

Since Freckles stayed in front to personally say goodbye to everyone and thank them for coming he looked rather busy. So Armin and I agree to wait until most of the people have left before approaching him. But the more I watched the tourists flock around him for high fives and pictures, wasting away the time I could be using to flirt talk with him myself, the stronger my urge to aggressively kick them all out of the place became.

“I’m leaving. I’ve had enough of this disgusting prison.” Speaking of strong violent urges, Shit-face Jaeger gives Armin and I an angry sneer as he walks away. “I’ll meet you at the car Armin.” Mikasa waves to both of us and continues to trail behind Eren.

We only have to wait a few more minutes for the majority of the guests to file out. The warm summer sun helped our clothes dry a little so we thankfully didn’t look quite like drown rats anymore. But I bet my hair looks like a fluffy mess. I should have put some product in it today.

Freckles’ warm brown eyes curve happily when we approach. “Hey, I was just wondering if you had stayed after or not.” He says then looks at me to add. “I see you brought a friend with you.”

That gaze has now sucked all the confidence right out of me. All I can manage is a crooked smile and nod in greeting. Armin already has his notepad out ready for more knowledge and pouts at the soggy edges of the paper. “I wouldn’t miss this. I still have so many questions, and after watching you perform I think I have about a hundred more!”

The handsome angel laughs and shifts from his theatrical Captain America pose into a more casual stance. “Well, I’ll be happy to answer as many as I can.”

A suspicious looking balding man quietly walks up behind Freckles. He tries to look as casual as possible, hands in pockets, looking off over the empty seats then looking into the water with mild interest. But I can tell he’s watching and listening from the way his eyes keep shifting back to us and subtle way he tilts his ear toward us. Creep.

Armin presses his pen to the lined paper where his previous notes left off, ready to capture his question’s response at a moment’s notice. “I was wondering what the diet of these animals consists of and how it compares to that of killer whales in the wild? I read they don’t get as wide a variety of foods in captivity, so how do you balance their diet?” 

What the fuck Armin!? Now how in the hell am I supposed to throw flirts and witty comments into a conversation like that!? That is probably the least exciting thing you could possibly talk about right now!

“That’s a great question!” The sun kissed hottie’s face lights right up, he looks fuckin thrilled. “Well, In the wild they have all sorts of prey they can hunt on a regular basis, a wide variety of fish, seals, cephalopods-eh er squids and octopi, as well as other whales and even sharks depending on the region they reside in.” And then they go on, just like that, talking back and forth about fish and vitamins and water hp and vocalization and other whale shit. Literally, they briefly mention the shit that goes into the water and the chemicals they use to help keep the water filtered. Fucking nerds!! 

It’s not that I’m uninterested in learning this stuff. Normally it would be pretty interesting. I enjoyed watching the discovery channel and nature documentaries but that is not my goal right now. I have to think of a new topic. Something fun to chat about that doesn’t involve fish, shit, or chemical compounds. 

The small orca zips right by the glass where I’m standing. The larger one, probably its mother, whirls through the water after it. It looks like the’re playing. I can hear whistles and hums coming from them, and possibly some of the killer whales in the back. Maybe I can talk about being an animal trainer. It’s something we have in common. And maybe I could even ask if they’re hiring. 

Ok Jean, you can do this. Deep breath in, deep breath out. 

I wait for a break in their conversation so I can easily swoop in. Pointing into the blue mass I say “Is that a mother and her calf?”

His head snaps right to me and he pauses, he probably hadn’t expected me to speak. “Oh, ah. Yes! That is our biggest female whale Sina and her calf Mitras! I was lucky enough to be here when he was born about four years ago. Oh! I’m Marco Bodt by the way.” 

Marco, what a cute name, it suits him. He briefly shakes my hand, and I really like how large and warm it is. That’s not creepy is it?

“Jean Kirschtein.”

“And I’m Armin Ar-“ I cut off Arlert, effectively preventing him from throwing off my groove. Sorry man, but I’m in the zone now! One does not simply stop Jean Kirschtein when he’s in the zone!

“So, how hard is it to train him? The little whale? Because I train smaller animals for a living and sometimes getting little 50 pound dog to listen can be a challenge. How do you deal with such a big animal?”

He steps closer and I swear I see a twinkle in his eyes. “You’re an animal trainer? That’s really cool.”

Cool!? He does aerial flips with freaking whales and he thinks my dog training is cool? I can feel my face burning up at the compliment. Bless this man. “Y-yeah, I train all kinds of pets. But that’s nothing compared to what you do.”

He lets out a coy laugh. “I’m more of a performer really. I do some training but the orcas learned the majority of their moves before I started working here. I’ve been trying to teach Mitras some new things but he picks up most of the behaviors he knows from watching his mother.”

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Armin open his mouth to speak, so I hold a hand out in front of him as a sign of ‘shut it!’ and continue. “I was actually wondering if you were hiring. I used to be on a swim team, I actually came in first at a few Swimming Competitions back in high school.” That’s right, throw a little bragging in there, he looks like he’s still impressed. “So training animals and swimming all day would be a great gig.”

“You’re perfect! F-for a job like this, I mean. Haha, Um. Yeah, we’re actually low on-“

“Bodt! Don’t you have work to do in the back?”

The creep ‘casually’ stalking about in the background steps between us, effectively cutting off our conversation. And if looks could kill the man before us would have burst into white hot flames under Marco’s glare. “Sir. I am talking with guests. Anything I have left to do can be finished after they leave.”

“No, you’re going to the back with those interns. I need you to lead them through the end of the day cleaning, debrief them, and have them out of here by five. I’ll handle the guests.”

“They don’t need-“

“Now Bodt.” This man must be a boss around here or something. His tone left little room for argument. 

Marco rolled his eyes, inhaled deeply, then offers Armin and I a weak smile. “Fine. I guess I’ll be leaving now. It was nice talking with you both. Armin.” He slowly steps back, looks to my blonde friend with a bow, then he not only smiles and bows at me, but he freaking winks too! The butterflies in my basket are going nuts. “Jean.” Hm, I can get used to hearing his silky voice say my name. “I’ll see you around.”

I try to think of something cool to yell back so I can, ya know, leave a lasting impression. 

“Yeah, see ya.” …. That was so lame Kirschtein.

My eyes follow Marco’s retreating form as he walks away and I really enjoy the way his broad shoulders curve down to meet those sexy hips. Unfortunately my vision was obstructed prematurely by the boss man’s less than pleasant face; his repugnant mouth opens in an expression of forced excitement. I have to resist cringing as he leans closer into my personal space. It’s was really off putting to say the least. 

“Mr. John Kayirstin was it?!” Ugh, He butchered my name so bad! I may have vomited in my mouth a little… “I’m Seymour Ackerman, I run this part of the park-“ He gestures to the surrounding arena with both hands. His tone is somewhat friendly, with a hint of ass kissery to it. “I overheard that you might be interested in working with us, is that correct?”

I raise an eyebrow. This guy is something else. What kind of act is he pulling here? I give Armin a questioning look to see if he’s getting the same unpleasant vibe that I am. But he only scowls at me and steps away. He’s probably still unset that I interrupted his little ocean nerd conference with Marco. Whatever, it’s not like he was being a decent wingman anyway. I gave him a good five-ten minutes of Marco time to himself before I but in. He could have at least helped me out a little, said some nice things about me, played up how awesome I am. He knows I’m bi, and I know, that he knew I was flirting. Yet he did nothing to help me. Ass.

I look back to the man, this Ackerman dude. Wait, Ackerman?! Is he related to Mikasa? I’ll have to ask her. “Yeah, that’s right. Marco is, really impressive. I’d like to give a job like this a try, see if I can get to his level. I’m experienced in swimming and animal training so I know I have what it takes.” I lean back confidently, hoping to both look cool and get away from whatever weird food smell was lingering on his breath.

The smile that stretches across his face is quite frightening. He could give the Joker a run for his money in the dreadful smiles department. Now that I mention it he does remind me a lot of Jack Nicholson. I wouldn’t be surprised if I started having nightmares of this Seymour person murdering me in my bathroom. 

“Well, Mr.Kirsten, I think you just found yourself a job opportunity.” He reaches a hand towards me and I accept it with my own in the form of a handshake. “Welcome to the team. Your training starts in one week.”

________________________________________

 

For the first time in a long time I feel good. I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, a lot probably can and will go wrong during the training period but I’m excited for this new job prospect. I’ll get so much more respect if I’m officially hired as an Orca Trainer. Plus I’ll be able to hang out in the pool all the time, and I’ll be around that speckled hottie. 

I really really want this job. 

Excitement dances around my insides, and I may or may not be humming a tune as I skip up my front steps. Throwing open the front door I spread my arms out and call at the top of my lungs. “Johanna!! Daddy’s home!”

A thud sounds from the direction of my bedroom accompanied by a crash from the kitchen. A second later I hear skittering across the hard wood floor until my adorable white and brown ball of fluff coming flying up to me. The cat runs up my body, claws gripping into my clothes and I quickly wrap my arms around her when she reaches my chest, hugging her close. She mews happily, her wet nose nuzzling against my chin.

“Aw~ I missed you too!” I kiss her head and rub my face all across hers. 

My mom steps out of the kitchen, a hand over her heart and her mouth agape in a look of exasperation. “Jean-bo! Are you trying to give your mother a heart attack!? You scared the living daylights out of me! How many times have I told you to use your inside voice!?”

I groan and role my eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic! I wasn’t that loud.” I shift Johanna around in my arms until I’m holding her like a baby and kick my shoes off towards the rack.

“I’ll give you dramatic! I dropped the mashed potatoes on the floor! Now what am I going to add to this dinner!?” She plants her hands firmly on her hips.

“Just pop one of those five minute mashed potato packets in the microwave! Problem solved.”

“That’s not the same! You know your father doesn’t like that kind! I took the time to peel and mash all those potatoes! And now it’s ruined! All because you felt the need to yell! ”

“For fucks sack Ma! Just make the damn instant potatoes!”

“Jean, Bowie, Kirschtein! You will watch your language young man!”

“I’m 24 years old I can say what I want!”

“Not when you’re living in my house you won’t!”

I grumble and mutter under my breath. “…I’m not staying here because I want to...”

“What was that!?”

“I said I’ll make the mashed potatoes!”

“Don’t you yell at me! And close that door before the bugs come in and the heat gets out!” She disappears back into the kitchen.

“You yelled at me first! I was just talking to my cat!” I close the door, which I was planning on doing in the first place before my mother distracted me with her bitching. “Granny is grumpy today isn’t she Jojo.”

She replies with an adorable meow and I can’t not kissing her sweet little face again. With a light squeeze of a hug, I set her down on the floor. “Come on, let’s go salvage dinner.” She meows again, trotting right after me. She is a very vocal cat, loves to try to talk to everyone and everything that moves. I think it’s absolutely adorable, but it can get on my mother’s nerves. Whatever, I don’t give a fuck. Johanna is my fluffy wittle baby and she can do anything she wants!

I’ve always felt a close connection with pets. I grew up with a cat, Mickey, and most of the time he was a better friend to me than any of the kids at school were. My father is a K9 Patrol Officer, so his first German Sheppard partner, Charlie, was over our house often. And when it was time for the dog to retire after being shot on duty our family was more than happy to keep him. 

As far as I can remember I was never a bad kid. Maybe I was a little awkward but the only major problem I can think of having was communication. I had horrible trouble every time I tried to express myself. Sometimes my nerves would start freaking out and I’d develop this stutter, which made it even more difficult to connect with people.

There have been times, especially when I got picked on, that my body would almost shut down. My throat would close up, and my mouth would refuse to form words. As if it were afraid any further speech would only bring more embarrassment and misery. Eventually, after the fear and sadness became reoccurring feelings for far too long, the intensity of these emotions would spike until it developed into anger. 

I guess you could say I didn’t have the best social life growing up. And by that I mean it was almost nonexistent. But thanks to my cat and dog life had been bearable enough to get by.

In elementary school, when all the kids claimed I had cooties and avoided my existence for a month I’d come home feeling sad and alone, only to find Mickey curled up on my bed waiting for me. No judgment, no taunts, no hatred. Just love and a look that said ‘hey, I am soooo very happy to see you!’ 

In middle school, the captains on the sports teams would pick their established friends first, and showed little interest in making friends with the outcast of their social circles. Whether I was good at the sport or not I’d barely receive more than a ‘good play Kirsten’ or a ‘nice kick John’. I was rarely invited over to play, and most of my own attempts to hang out were brushed off with excuses. Then, on occasion, I’d come home after a shitty day to find Dad had brought Charlie home with him for the night from the station kennels. And all three of us would play games in the back yard for hours.

When I joined the swim team in eighth grade I was relieved to find how independent the sport allowed me to be while still feeling like I was a part of the team. There was no real interaction needed. All I had to do was swim fast and hit my cues on time. I really enjoyed it. If I was ever having a bad day I’d stay after school and do laps around the pool until the storm clouds thundering away inside subsided. Yet, I could feel the void inside my heart still growing. It’s like I was spending my life living through someone else’s inside joke, feeling completely out of the loop, with no one there to inform me of what I missed and no one there to make my own inside jokes with. And I can not could not understand why I feel felt so out of place.

There’d be times when I’d cry in my room, and Mickey would paw at me playfully until I tossed a jingling ball around with him or slide a string across the floor. He’d purr gratefully and rub his cubby body excitedly against my sides, like I was the greatest person in the whole world. 

Then, high school rolled around and I was used to the uncomfortable emotions swirling inside of me. I’d come to accept my circumstances and make an effort to not give a shit. Because no matter how much I tried to fit in it wasn’t going to happen. But coming to a new stage in life also brought new challenges to deal with. 

I genuinely thought Mikasa was the most beautiful and talented girl I had ever seen. I wanted to get to know her better, take her out on some dates, but she never gave me a chance. I tried so hard to get her so notice me but that only made everything worse, especially since she was always up Eren Jaeger’s ass, and the two of us have never really been on great terms. 

I tried dating a few girls but I never felt any special connections with them. I started realizing my- …feelings, for boy were becoming very different from those of the other boys. It was terrifying. I had no one to talk to about it. No close friends or family to help me sort through all my problems. Sure my parents tried to help, but trying to accurately convey my feeling to them was too difficult. And I didn’t want to face the judgment of the only people who truly cared for me my entire life. Instead I would vent to Mickey. He was like my little therapist. Always there, and always unbiased. He’d plop himself down on my lap, purr, and look up at me with loving eyes as I’d pet him and talk through all my problems and feelings. I could almost feel my body relaxing with every stroke across the cat’s striped brown fur.

But, right before graduation, Mickey got really sick. A week after that he was gone.

I was devastated.

I thought I felt alone before but now it was so much worst. There was no more ‘I’m so happy to see you!’ purrs, no more innocent eyes full of happiness and understanding when I was feeling sad or alone. No more friend to hang out with or vent to. 

It really fucked with my head. 

Some class mates who found out told me he was just a cat and I was being a pussy for getting so upset over a pet. I beat the first one to say something up, and a week later two more assholes taunted me about the incident. They mock reenacted the scene and started play fighting each other. Let’s just say my anger boiled over tenfold and I rampaged. It turned into a huge brawl, and Eren was actually the first one to back me up, followed by Mikasa. Jaeger and I may not always get along, but he was sort of an outcast too so I think we kind of had an understanding there. I wouldn’t consider us friends but in our shared exile from the established social circles we kind of had each other’s backs when I came to serious situations. 

After that I became somewhat of a hermit. Only coming out of my room to walk Charlie and go to work. It took about a year for me to feel okay enough to enter college, and that was a whole different kind of hell. I kept switching majors every semester, unable to settle on art or one of my parents’ suggestions. Eventually I went with Animal Science, figuring if I was going to start my own business that would look better than Fine Arts on my resume.

Before I knew it, three more years had gone by. I had a list of more than fifteen personal clients, ranging from someone who wanted their dog to sit and stay, to a farmer who wanted his dog to heard sheep, and some film students who needed animals to act in their projects. I managed to save enough money to start renting an apartment with Eren and Armin. And even though it wasn’t great I figured I could use the ‘friends’. I felt like a third wheel most days though, and other days like a fourth wheel. You’d think if there are four people in a group we’d branch off two and two. Right? No. I’d still feel out of the group. Something was always off.

Until my 22rd birthday. That’s when I adopted her. One of my main clients breeds angora cats for show, and he’d have me over once a week to work towards getting them all show ready. One of his cats had a litter three weeks prior. I looked into that box for the first time and immediately noticed one little kitten sleeping alone in the corner. The owner explained that she was the runt and the mother had started ignoring her in favor of the healthier kittens, so he’s had to take care of her by hand.

He asked if I knew anyone who’d be able to care of her, since he’d be out of town for the next few weeks due to a family emergency. He was worried his family wouldn’t be able to handle to the runt’s needy schedule.

Gently, I picked her up, held her close to my chest and scratched her back. She was so small and weak looking compared to the others. Rejected and Alone. She looked up at me with groggy, baby blue eyes. And I couldn’t bring myself to put her back down. So, she was mine.

And no I didn’t steal her. The man had nicked named me Cat-Whisperer years ago and said he completely trusted that I would take care of her. He even gave me a box full of free supplies to help. 

The next few months were very difficult, but thankfully my family, Armin and Mikasa helped me take care of Johanna when I was working or at school. Eren on the other hand was allergic to her. Unfortunately that meant when my little kitten got old enough to wander, I’d have to either keep her cooped up in my room 24/7 or move out. 

So that is why I’m currently living at home with my parents. I don’t have enough money to get my own place, and I don’t have any friends to split rent with, so I’m kind of stuck for now. Which brings me to my current predicament. Dinner, and an irate mother. Hooray…

I head into the kitchen, Johanna briskly padding along with me, rubbing against my ankles every time I come to a stop. She has a habit of trailing me around like a little shadow. If she’s awake and I’m home she’s probably within a ten foot radius of me.

My mother busies herself with scooping the floored potatoes into the trash along with the broken chunks of the porcelain. Her eyes flick up to me with one of those ‘look-at-all-the-extra-work-I-have-to-do-because-of-you.-feel-guilty’ looks. I tend to get those a lot.

“Ya know, you could of just scooped the lumps on the top into a new bowl.” It takes a few cupboards but I finally find what I’m looking for nestled between the rolled up bag of stale Lucky Charms and red velvet cake mix, mom’s favorite. I empty the bag of Idahoan’s buttery homestyle mashed potatoes into a big bowl and mix in the 2 cups of water.

“That is hardly sanitary. And there could be sharp pieces of the broken bowl in it.”

“Not the top bits, those were fine.”

“I did not stand in front of a hot stove for an hour and a half after an eight hour work day for my family to eat food off the flood.” There was definitely bitterness in her voice. Yeah, she’s probably going to be mad at me for another hour or so. That’s typically how long her grudges last.

“Okay, Okay. Just tryin ta help.”

“Well If I wasn’t startled into dropping a fourth of our dinner on the floor I wouldn’t have this mess to clean up in the first place, now would I?”

“Okay ma.”At this point agreeing is the safest option… “Sorry for being happy for once.” Scanning the instructions on the back of the mix big I set the bowl of white mush into the microwave and run it for 4 minutes.

“Oooh, don’t be that way Jean-bo.” She grips the edge of the counter for support and pulls herself up. “I’m glad you’re happy.” Signing, she gives me a soft smile. “Why don’t you go relax for a few minutes and when your father gets home from work we’ll start dinner ok? And then you can tell me all about your day.”

“Alright.” I nod and head back into the main part of the house.

I spot Charlie in the living room, napping on his bed under the AC. The old dog lifts his head up when he hears me walk by and wags his tail happily.

“Heeeyy boy~ How are ya?” I let my body drop to the couch and reach over to scratch around his ears. He grumbles and leans his head into my hand. 

Johanna hops right up onto the couch, mews at me several times and curls up on my chest. I use my other hand to pet her too and she wiggles herself closer until she’s leaning against my head. Unfortunately her tail is now lying across my face. “Jojo, you’re tail is in my face.” She flicks it away but it flopping back down. I blow it away from my mouth. “Stop it.” It twitches back where it was, settling across one of my eyes as well. She starts purring louder and I don’t have the heart to move her away. “Fine… You’re lucky I love you. Brat.”

I pick up the remote, turn the TV on and scroll through the channels until I settle on Friends. What? It’s a good show. And it’s kind of nice to watch a group of friends hang out and grow close though life experiences. It almost makes you feel like your apart of it… Not that I want friendships like that. Nope. I’m fine. Cooooool with what I have.

Joey says something dumb to which Chandler responds with a sarcastic comment, typical Friends stuff. Judging by the ‘audience laughter’ it’s probably a really funny moment but my mind is too distracted to focus on what they’re saying. Visions of a cute freckled face and a tight, wetsuit clad ass flash through my mind. Plus he seems like a really sweet guy.

I turn my head to look at the fuzzball currently draped across my neck. Keeping my voice quiet I whisper to her. “There was this guy at that sea park today.” Johanna’s ears perk and she straightens up at the sound of my voice. She trills and stretches out, sleepy eyes trying and failing to stay open. “He looks so familiar. I swear I know him. But I really don’t think I met him before today. And it didn’t look like he knew me when I talked to him. Huh… So, maybe, he just has, one of those faces or something? Ah- I don’t know- Anyway. He’s cute, and really nice. I think you’d like him.”

I laugh to myself, and scratch the nape of her neck. She careens back towards the pets and tilts her head up to show that she wants the scratches to be directed under her chin “His name is Marco. And he’s almost as cool as I am. Ha. He winked at me. Multiple times. I think... I wonder if he has a facebook. Maybe I should try to find him. And friend him. Then I could message him and ask him out to dinner? Maybe? Ooor would that be creepy?” I look to her for an answer, and yes, she will give me answers. She’s very smart… I’m not crazy. I swear. It’s just, nice to have someone to talk to about these things. Even if that someone is a cat.

She looks up at me then, her chest expands in an effort to gather more air for a louder meow but only a silent, sleepy, squeak leaves her mouth. I sigh and resume petting her. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll wait it out. Don’t want to appear over eager. Plus if I get this job I’ll be able to see him a lot.” She squawks at me again. “…What if the company won’t allow their employees to date? Hmm. Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things. 
> 
> I think it's probably obvious that Jean's cat is named after the amazing JohannaTheMad. I'm pretty sure its pronounces like, Yo-hon-ah haha So Jean is kind of calling her Yoyo all the time. I love it, so cute :3 I have a bunch of drawing of her but i have yet to post like anything at all. She's a white angora with brown around the top of her face/head and back.
> 
> I don't hate Eren at all, but i couldn't resist making him one of those violant protester type people, like, an angry hippie lol
> 
> My tumblr is IrukaOrihara come say hi if you'd like! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think please :) I have the majority of the story planned out but I'm willing to change or add scenes in depending on what everyone likes.


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